You are correct to note that discipline often turns into sadistic superego bashing: "you *must* do this!" This just generates shame and frustration. Shame and frustration ironically exacerbate hypervigilance, which makes it even harder to focus on the little things. At the same time, as you note, a complete lack of structure is also suicidal. There is a balance to be struck that cannot be formulaically derived, a meta-pattern I call *controlled chaos* if anyone is interested in abstract synthesis: https://jakehpark.substack.com/p/controlled-chaos-generative-rupture
Haha, we're all just writing around the same void. I write in Meta-Patterns:
> There is an unassailable kernel of the Real that resists both symbolisation and mutation. It is this kernel around which all good works coalesce, why all good writing is rewriting, why it seems like after you've read your first hundred books, it often feels like you've read them all, just in slightly different configurations...Lyricism, musicality and rhetoric surpass sterile intellectualisation for this reason, for writing is simply the impossible art of decorating the void more virtuosically.
this ( noticing how often the future version of you has to live with the aftermath of what present-day you avoids) really stuck out to me, thank you for a beautiful piece!
Once I realized that and caught myself in those patterns enough times, I was finally able to "find" the discipline to stop putting myself in those situations to begin with. Game changer. Glad it resonated with you, maria :)
Thank you for putting into words the discovery path I’ve been on these last 10 years.
I once had a therapist say something along the lines of, the small things you do for yourself now, lead to the big things you’ll become in 10 years. And she was right, so is this.
They really do add up—positively or negatively. I wish I recognized it sooner. It's way harder to pull yourself outta the dumps than it is to have an "off" day when all your ducks are in a row :)
You are correct to note that discipline often turns into sadistic superego bashing: "you *must* do this!" This just generates shame and frustration. Shame and frustration ironically exacerbate hypervigilance, which makes it even harder to focus on the little things. At the same time, as you note, a complete lack of structure is also suicidal. There is a balance to be struck that cannot be formulaically derived, a meta-pattern I call *controlled chaos* if anyone is interested in abstract synthesis: https://jakehpark.substack.com/p/controlled-chaos-generative-rupture
Oh yes, couldn't agree more. I call it "structureless structure" 🙈
Haha, we're all just writing around the same void. I write in Meta-Patterns:
> There is an unassailable kernel of the Real that resists both symbolisation and mutation. It is this kernel around which all good works coalesce, why all good writing is rewriting, why it seems like after you've read your first hundred books, it often feels like you've read them all, just in slightly different configurations...Lyricism, musicality and rhetoric surpass sterile intellectualisation for this reason, for writing is simply the impossible art of decorating the void more virtuosically.
https://jakehpark.substack.com/p/meta-patterns-visions-at-the-end
And of course, even this is derivative. :P
this ( noticing how often the future version of you has to live with the aftermath of what present-day you avoids) really stuck out to me, thank you for a beautiful piece!
Once I realized that and caught myself in those patterns enough times, I was finally able to "find" the discipline to stop putting myself in those situations to begin with. Game changer. Glad it resonated with you, maria :)
Yes and half the battle is figuring out how to negotiate with yourself! You are welcome!
Thank you for putting into words the discovery path I’ve been on these last 10 years.
I once had a therapist say something along the lines of, the small things you do for yourself now, lead to the big things you’ll become in 10 years. And she was right, so is this.
They really do add up—positively or negatively. I wish I recognized it sooner. It's way harder to pull yourself outta the dumps than it is to have an "off" day when all your ducks are in a row :)
Thank you for this
❤️
you can’t buy love, even self love ): even if the price of it is “free” it’s not for sale ): love exists outside of capitalism