Standing on the ledge of life
Notes on the terrifying velocity of making up your mind
Thanksgiving week offer: 30% off annual plans, forever. Reading bad never felt so good.
For a long time, I operated under the assumption that my indecisiveness was simply a lack of data. I told myself that if I just had a little more information, or a slightly clearer sign, or perhaps just a few more days to “sit with it,” I would know exactly which move to make. We often treat confusion like a puzzle to be solved, believing that the answer is hiding somewhere in the external world, waiting to be found.
But recently, I’ve started to suspect that this state of suspension isn’t actually about confusion at all. I think indecision is often just a sophisticated form of comfort. It’s a womb we retreat into. As long as I don’t decide what I truly want, I remain safe. I am safe from the possibility of rejection, yes, but I am also safe from something far heavier: the burden of expectation. If I don’t claim the goal, I don’t have to carry the weight of achieving it. If I stay in the “maybe,” I never have to face the terrifying reality of the “yes.”
This realization hit me squarely in the chest this week because I found myself standing on the ledge of a completely different life.
I’ve built my entire career around autonomy. I value the freedom of working for myself more than almost anything else. The corporate ladder has never appealed to me, and generally, the idea of joining a company is not something I entertain. However, I was recently recruited by one of the few organizations on the planet that could actually tempt me to trade in that independence.