Earlier this year I wrote a piece about the relief of realizing no one is really watching you. About how most of the judgment we carry around is imaginary, how we perform our entire lives for an audience that mostly doesn’t exist. That piece resonated with a lot of people, which makes sense because the realization is genuinely liberating. Finally understanding that you can stop choreographing every move and just be yourself wakes up parts of you that you might not have known existed.
This is an important point, because we've been molded to always be "on", always assume that "someone" is watching. Even before social media was a thing we were taught to act and behave certain ways at home and in public; that there would be consequences if we didn't. And as you pointed out that leads to a lack of understanding of who the core of "us" is.
And it's not a "bedrock"; the core of us is a mutable, changeable substance that is reactive to the emotions, thoughts, and environments around us. It should be; we should never have been shoehorned into specific performances for specific audiences. But you're right in that finding your way when the core of you is such a mutable substance is hard. Just like water in a glass gets structure from that glass, we feel like we need the structure of social expectations around us. But unlike the water we can change our composition at will. We don't need heat or cold to become gas or solid; we simply need to read the room and change ourselves to fit.
How do you reconcile this ‘stripped-down self’ with the reality of working online? Personally, I can stop performing (they say it's the autism in me, I say it's the sane part). Professionally, it feels harder. When your work depends on visibility and coherence, how do you avoid slipping back into Performance-You?
I think for me personally, it’s about making sure I’m always being honest with myself when it comes to what I share online. I refuse to post things I don’t believe in, don’t support, don’t like, etc. When I still had Instagram, I was performing 99% of the time. I think it’s impossible to *never* perform (especially bc I do believe WE are always present in our audience) but I think it’s possible to be mostly transparent when it comes to allowing people to see what we’re actually like. There are ofc other factors at play here beyond just “the inability to embrace our authentic selves” like insecurities or lack of general confidence, etc. but I think for the most part, it’s a doable task.
To answer your Q about avoiding slipping into it: I refuse to do ads, for 1. I think letting people pay you to shape your opinions is how you slip into very dangerous terrain (that’s precisely what happened on IG). Second, I interrogate my thoughts and beliefs often, to make sure they’re actually mine. Because if they’re not, anything downstream of those is… performance. (Hopefully this makes sense to you lol)
This is an important point, because we've been molded to always be "on", always assume that "someone" is watching. Even before social media was a thing we were taught to act and behave certain ways at home and in public; that there would be consequences if we didn't. And as you pointed out that leads to a lack of understanding of who the core of "us" is.
And it's not a "bedrock"; the core of us is a mutable, changeable substance that is reactive to the emotions, thoughts, and environments around us. It should be; we should never have been shoehorned into specific performances for specific audiences. But you're right in that finding your way when the core of you is such a mutable substance is hard. Just like water in a glass gets structure from that glass, we feel like we need the structure of social expectations around us. But unlike the water we can change our composition at will. We don't need heat or cold to become gas or solid; we simply need to read the room and change ourselves to fit.
Yes! And I love the water analogy, that is *so* perfect!
How do you reconcile this ‘stripped-down self’ with the reality of working online? Personally, I can stop performing (they say it's the autism in me, I say it's the sane part). Professionally, it feels harder. When your work depends on visibility and coherence, how do you avoid slipping back into Performance-You?
I think for me personally, it’s about making sure I’m always being honest with myself when it comes to what I share online. I refuse to post things I don’t believe in, don’t support, don’t like, etc. When I still had Instagram, I was performing 99% of the time. I think it’s impossible to *never* perform (especially bc I do believe WE are always present in our audience) but I think it’s possible to be mostly transparent when it comes to allowing people to see what we’re actually like. There are ofc other factors at play here beyond just “the inability to embrace our authentic selves” like insecurities or lack of general confidence, etc. but I think for the most part, it’s a doable task.
To answer your Q about avoiding slipping into it: I refuse to do ads, for 1. I think letting people pay you to shape your opinions is how you slip into very dangerous terrain (that’s precisely what happened on IG). Second, I interrogate my thoughts and beliefs often, to make sure they’re actually mine. Because if they’re not, anything downstream of those is… performance. (Hopefully this makes sense to you lol)