This hit hard !!! We have been conditioned to quiet down, lower our eyes, not to ask a lot of questions, not to disturb, to physically look acceptable for society and so on. Those requirements push down on us by our parents and society have force us to no longer wonder, explore, create, express ourselves and be comfortable with ourselves. Everything that we do is based on what other people will think of us. To reprogram ourselves to love, create and actually being the REAL us again is no easy task! Because like this essay explains, it will be cause of judgement. But is it not worth it ? To finally make acquaintances with the real you, no matter what other people will say about that is true liberation and true self healing!
The way communication problem was explained, I think it is for anyone who has spent years not being sure of themselves to read it. Great great read Stepfanie.
So true! When we allow ourselves to just be and express from within we attract the right people...and experiences! It's about quality not quantity. Same happens with art, there is meaning and purpose when we create what comes out naturally, not when we mold our creativity to what other's will like or what "sells". What's the point in being if we don't even allow ourselves to ever really be...
We live in a world that operates on certain laws. The 48 Laws of Power, as traumatizing as that book is, nails it.
I’ve shown up my entire life in full expression of my authentic self. Needless to say, it wasn’t warmly received. It broke just about every law because it didn’t conform to the unspoken power dynamics. I was shamed, labelled, disadvantaged, victimized, etc. For most of my life I thought I was the problem. Except I could always feel deep within me that I was operating from a place that felt true and right. Now I’m not saying that I didn’t at times show up a little abrasively, but I’ve grown to be able to deliver my messages with strength grounded in respect.
But yet, to this day, it doesn’t erase the unspoken dynamics of our society. I still face those challenges. I work in corporate and questioning just one statement made by an exec spiraled my entire year so far. Most people operate unconsciously, and we live in a world that is essentially a weird game. So yes, now I love my authenticity. I no longer see myself as being the problem. But there’s a balancing act of being true to yourself, but being wise enough to use your authentic power to operate within the world around us.
For right now, we are humans living in this game. We will find our circles and spaces to unleash it all. But for a lot of our day, we have to play the game. I hate it. I wish everyone operated from self awareness, but I’ve had to learn to accept it.
Thank you for this. This is exactly what I’ve been trying to shift toward. I’m exhausted because of years of curating a version of myself that will appeal to everyone. It’s been hard, trying to come back to myself. I’ve been doing this for so long, I kind of forgot who I actually am. But at the same time, I’m kind of excited to get to know the real me 🙏
Love this topic!
It’s so difficult to learn to say no. To quit people-pleasing. The choice is scary at first, but freeing in the long run.
Thank you!
This was such a beautiful piece; I felt so immersed in each bit of your words, truly impeccable.
A piece I wrote yesterday about the insidiousness of the male gaze. https://substack.com/@thegoodwinblog/note/p-208594708?r=5p56xi&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action
This hit hard !!! We have been conditioned to quiet down, lower our eyes, not to ask a lot of questions, not to disturb, to physically look acceptable for society and so on. Those requirements push down on us by our parents and society have force us to no longer wonder, explore, create, express ourselves and be comfortable with ourselves. Everything that we do is based on what other people will think of us. To reprogram ourselves to love, create and actually being the REAL us again is no easy task! Because like this essay explains, it will be cause of judgement. But is it not worth it ? To finally make acquaintances with the real you, no matter what other people will say about that is true liberation and true self healing!
so so beautifully written and insightful
The way communication problem was explained, I think it is for anyone who has spent years not being sure of themselves to read it. Great great read Stepfanie.
This was well researched, detailed and informative at the same time.💗
Love 🧡
So true! When we allow ourselves to just be and express from within we attract the right people...and experiences! It's about quality not quantity. Same happens with art, there is meaning and purpose when we create what comes out naturally, not when we mold our creativity to what other's will like or what "sells". What's the point in being if we don't even allow ourselves to ever really be...
HOLY, THIS IS SUCH A GOOD ARTICLE. I HAVE NO WORDS LEFT TO DESCRIBE.
At a glance? This is Asperger’s.
I just turned 40 and in my late 30s I stopped caring if people liked me or http://not.as
No more people pleasing or pretending to be someone I am not to please others.
As long as I am kind and authentic they can take me or leave me.
I think there’s a fine balancing act.
We live in a world that operates on certain laws. The 48 Laws of Power, as traumatizing as that book is, nails it.
I’ve shown up my entire life in full expression of my authentic self. Needless to say, it wasn’t warmly received. It broke just about every law because it didn’t conform to the unspoken power dynamics. I was shamed, labelled, disadvantaged, victimized, etc. For most of my life I thought I was the problem. Except I could always feel deep within me that I was operating from a place that felt true and right. Now I’m not saying that I didn’t at times show up a little abrasively, but I’ve grown to be able to deliver my messages with strength grounded in respect.
But yet, to this day, it doesn’t erase the unspoken dynamics of our society. I still face those challenges. I work in corporate and questioning just one statement made by an exec spiraled my entire year so far. Most people operate unconsciously, and we live in a world that is essentially a weird game. So yes, now I love my authenticity. I no longer see myself as being the problem. But there’s a balancing act of being true to yourself, but being wise enough to use your authentic power to operate within the world around us.
For right now, we are humans living in this game. We will find our circles and spaces to unleash it all. But for a lot of our day, we have to play the game. I hate it. I wish everyone operated from self awareness, but I’ve had to learn to accept it.
Thank you for this. This is exactly what I’ve been trying to shift toward. I’m exhausted because of years of curating a version of myself that will appeal to everyone. It’s been hard, trying to come back to myself. I’ve been doing this for so long, I kind of forgot who I actually am. But at the same time, I’m kind of excited to get to know the real me 🙏