This piece was really eye opening for me. A lot of the achievements I have were just things that happened to me other than things I have actually chosen and I honestly always thought those were “meant to be” instead of actually questioning myself if that made me sparkle or feel how i should be feeling.
The distinction between preference and choice is exactly where taste goes wrong. Preference is effortless — you can have impeccable taste and never actually choose anything. Real choice costs something. It means ordering the difficult piece knowing it might not sell, wearing the strong color knowing it might not photograph well, building something that can’t be defended with data. Most people in most industries find a way to avoid that cost indefinitely. And call it taste.
Your point about what we tolerate shaping who we become hit me from an angle I wasn't expecting. As someone with AuDHD, I spent years building increasingly sophisticated coping mechanisms to survive environments that contradicted my nervous system — and every one of those mechanisms was a micro-choice to stay instead of leave. The coping felt like agency. It was actually the opposite. It's what made passive non-choice possible. The most important choice I ever made wasn't adding a new habit or tool. It was subtracting an entire environment.
this is so thought provoking and kind of writting that actually makes you question your real values and the gap btw your values and boundaries that one actually have vs they claim to do. I don't usually comment but this is quite litreally one of best read as it forces you to sit down and think underneath all the layers that you have covered yourself with unconsciously, and to decide which layer to keep or remove. overall, loved this.
Thank you for such an incisive and profound analysis. I deeply enjoyed it. And I understand how much our choices can change the course of our lives and the fact that there's always a cost.
However, it needs to be said that the word choice is often overrated. We have no say in the most important things that define our very existence.
Maybe the least underrated word is luck. Otherwise, how do you explain that some people are born into war. Some are born deformed. Some of these people don't have the luxury of choices. But some people are born into royalty.
There's never a straight way to define some of these things. We find meaning. We discover purpose. We do our best. We control what we can.
This is incredible. The part about the micro choices you make forge your identity hit me like brick. I always thought it was the larger choices that forged my identity and shaped who I was, now reading this and reflecting I’ve noticed all the ways I’ve chosen a life I didn’t want. Additionally, the step that stated removing bad habits before adding new ones is gold and something I’m going to implement. What a pro-founding read.
The point about mistaking options for agency is a deep one. There is a specific kind of anxiety that comes from trying to keep every version of yourself alive at once. Learning that a real choice requires a small death of other possibilities is a tough but necessary lesson. It means that power is not found in having infinite paths but in the commitment to walk down one.
you took the words out of my mouth!! i love this. i literally wrote on paper yesterday how i’ve always been confused if we’re meant to find ourselves or create ourselves
so far so gud
Amazing
once Maharaj ji said - "jaisa Banna hai, waisa socho...jo sochoge, woh ban jaaoge" (Think what you want to become, and you will become that)
This piece was really eye opening for me. A lot of the achievements I have were just things that happened to me other than things I have actually chosen and I honestly always thought those were “meant to be” instead of actually questioning myself if that made me sparkle or feel how i should be feeling.
This was a very good read 👌thank you stepf
Such an amazing read honestly
The distinction between preference and choice is exactly where taste goes wrong. Preference is effortless — you can have impeccable taste and never actually choose anything. Real choice costs something. It means ordering the difficult piece knowing it might not sell, wearing the strong color knowing it might not photograph well, building something that can’t be defended with data. Most people in most industries find a way to avoid that cost indefinitely. And call it taste.
Your point about what we tolerate shaping who we become hit me from an angle I wasn't expecting. As someone with AuDHD, I spent years building increasingly sophisticated coping mechanisms to survive environments that contradicted my nervous system — and every one of those mechanisms was a micro-choice to stay instead of leave. The coping felt like agency. It was actually the opposite. It's what made passive non-choice possible. The most important choice I ever made wasn't adding a new habit or tool. It was subtracting an entire environment.
This post is so so so beautiful. Almost made me cry lmao, thank u for writing this! Ur helping more than u might think
this is so thought provoking and kind of writting that actually makes you question your real values and the gap btw your values and boundaries that one actually have vs they claim to do. I don't usually comment but this is quite litreally one of best read as it forces you to sit down and think underneath all the layers that you have covered yourself with unconsciously, and to decide which layer to keep or remove. overall, loved this.
Thank you for such an incisive and profound analysis. I deeply enjoyed it. And I understand how much our choices can change the course of our lives and the fact that there's always a cost.
However, it needs to be said that the word choice is often overrated. We have no say in the most important things that define our very existence.
Maybe the least underrated word is luck. Otherwise, how do you explain that some people are born into war. Some are born deformed. Some of these people don't have the luxury of choices. But some people are born into royalty.
There's never a straight way to define some of these things. We find meaning. We discover purpose. We do our best. We control what we can.
This is incredible. The part about the micro choices you make forge your identity hit me like brick. I always thought it was the larger choices that forged my identity and shaped who I was, now reading this and reflecting I’ve noticed all the ways I’ve chosen a life I didn’t want. Additionally, the step that stated removing bad habits before adding new ones is gold and something I’m going to implement. What a pro-founding read.
The point about mistaking options for agency is a deep one. There is a specific kind of anxiety that comes from trying to keep every version of yourself alive at once. Learning that a real choice requires a small death of other possibilities is a tough but necessary lesson. It means that power is not found in having infinite paths but in the commitment to walk down one.
wow it was such an amazing read and so eye opening
Thank you so much for this. Truly so articulate and I found it so shocking to realise how much it resonated with me 🙏 I really needed to hear this 🥹
you took the words out of my mouth!! i love this. i literally wrote on paper yesterday how i’ve always been confused if we’re meant to find ourselves or create ourselves