Cool! I like this one. Im actually starting in this social media stuff, and I can see what you mean. Balance is key but where do I put the weight, you know? Money is more important for at least the very beginning and staying off the 0 Balance. Because you don't wanna die. So when is it "safe enough "? This post made reflect on this, hoping to get to that point but also not really or have this in mind when that moment hits. Great read tho. 📚
Yeah, that's a tight rope to walk, honestly. I totally get how hard it is when you NEED money and you feel like you have to take partnerships just based on income. I definitely did when I was just getting started (since my business just lost all clients)
I think what I learned over time is that you just have to have strong values when it comes to the type of content you ultimately want to create and what image of yourself you want to be out there. Once you get into a groove, you can start being really selective about who you work with. But I know the feeling of "shit! I need a portfolio to grow, but I need things to build a portfolio" lol
Just be as authentic as possible and try not to post anything that makes you feel genuinely bad. As silly as that sounds... I think a lot of people do it.
I hope you find your way on social, Alejandro, I'm rooting for you :)
The real question isn’t whether you use social media. The question is: Are you living your life, or are you producing a show about someone living a life?
Live your life and be present not a product for someone else. The best gift you can give is your undistracted self.
As someone who has worked for brands and businesses in social for 20 years, I applaud you. I've never had the desire to grow my own channels or "influence" because I've watched it creep over the joy in so many people's lives. When brands expect you to have your own social presence in order to strategize their socials, I run. It's fun for some, but existing for an audience and not yourself is not worth the money, but also not worth the time it steals from you and your life. Thank you for sharing your real experience.
It’s a wild beast that the average non-influencing person doesn’t even begin to understand. I don’t mean that as a”they’re dumb” — I mean it as: most normal people can’t fathom the level of fakeness that goes into that bc it’s just… not normal. I can’t even be around people who do it anymore bc just being near it makes me feel like I’m participating and gives me the ick. If people enjoy it, I’m happy for them. I just don’t believe anyone actually enjoys it—but I could be wrong 🙈
When the Morse telegraph was first introduced, a journalist marveled ""This extraordinary discovery leaves...no Elsewhere...it is all here." Reading this, it struck me that if wired communication eliminated (or at least reduced) the sense of Elsewhere, then wireless communication in the form of ubiquitous cellphones does the same for the sense of Here and Now.
And I was just thinking in terms of the ordinary phone user...the effect for 'influencers' must be 10X or 100X or more.
The iPhone was obviously the beginning of the end... Once we had infinite apps available to us 24/7 with essentially no friction whatsoever to use, we shifted towards WALL-E humans, I think
FaceID and having our $ pre-connected to everything was also a big one. Everything is just so EASY to use—and so hard to put down
I'm actually working on a WALL-E piece now as a followup bc I feel like there are other aspects of this issue that I wasn't able to touch on here
that black mirror episode was honestly one of the scariest ones because it felt so genuinely real, like this could be our world in just a short time. very interesting read, and i'm glad you were able to walk away and come back to a space of authenticity - that's so hard to do, but so important. thanks for sharing!
I saw the episode way before I was using social media in any serious capacity and I’d long forgotten about it. Rewatched it when it was more relevant to my situation and got mega ick at myself 😆
I was off Instagram for a full year I deleted my account. I recently signed back in to my burner account and I’m actually shocked at the state of things. The amount of ads in the feed and the amount of branded posts is actually really gross to me.
I didn’t realize how nice it was to not know “the MUSt have fall SWEATER”
YES! So much garbage input. And everything is so visual so it’s not quite like X where you start to read something you might not want to read and you just keep scrolling. I can’t even use it from an alt at this point. I feel like I “should” make a business account… but I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do it yet. I genuinely don’t want to ever be on that app lol
I think this is up there with "taste is the new intelligence" ... You hear it said, "live as if your life was going to be a movie that people watched." There's nothing that will rob us of the present moment than thinking how many likes it will get in the future. This was timely as I just deleted IG and FB off my phone. I'm so close to just deleting my accounts just because of the philosophy behind them and how they are designed to keep you stuck. The fear is "well how would I stay in contact with friends?" or, "how else will I grow on Substack or YouTube if I just let go of the thousands of potential eyes. Maybe if you keep posting, I'll get there lol. Thanks, Stepf.
The shower moment where you realized you'd become everything you claimed to be against is brutal. Because nobody forced you into it. The system just made compliance so profitable that authenticity became the thing you had to sacrifice.
What gets me is that everyone participating knows it's fake, but the collective agreement to pretend it's real keeps the whole machine running. The girl crying in the bathroom then posting about gratitude. Everyone photographing their food instead of eating it. You posting face cream the day your dog died. The algorithm doesn't care about your life. It cares about your life as raw material for content.
I didn’t think (genuine) people like you existed anymore ❤️ Thanks stepfanie for sharing your story & for your refreshing take!
I am coming up nearly a year instagram free and haven’t missed it once. For me, the turning point was realising I get absolutely nothing out of it and it adds zero value to my life. I feel much happier and haven’t once had the itch to get back on it.
So many valuable points in this article. I used to work in the fashion industry. It was before all the social media, but I had a similar reaction to that space. One day, I just couldn’t take it anymore.
Just as you said, “The performance is exhausting, but the authenticity is free.”
You have so much more to give here anyway. This was well-written and deep, yet entertaining.
I'm always struck by the high number of lead singers of bands who commit suicide or suffer the "unintentional overdose" (yeah, right).
You'd think that these people would be living the dream life.
But, apparently there can be a great hollowness in forcing oneself to make an emotive effort while performing ones beloved song for the 1000th time in front of a crowd.
Performing without feeling will eat away at many people's souls.
Cool! I like this one. Im actually starting in this social media stuff, and I can see what you mean. Balance is key but where do I put the weight, you know? Money is more important for at least the very beginning and staying off the 0 Balance. Because you don't wanna die. So when is it "safe enough "? This post made reflect on this, hoping to get to that point but also not really or have this in mind when that moment hits. Great read tho. 📚
Yeah, that's a tight rope to walk, honestly. I totally get how hard it is when you NEED money and you feel like you have to take partnerships just based on income. I definitely did when I was just getting started (since my business just lost all clients)
I think what I learned over time is that you just have to have strong values when it comes to the type of content you ultimately want to create and what image of yourself you want to be out there. Once you get into a groove, you can start being really selective about who you work with. But I know the feeling of "shit! I need a portfolio to grow, but I need things to build a portfolio" lol
Just be as authentic as possible and try not to post anything that makes you feel genuinely bad. As silly as that sounds... I think a lot of people do it.
I hope you find your way on social, Alejandro, I'm rooting for you :)
The real question isn’t whether you use social media. The question is: Are you living your life, or are you producing a show about someone living a life?
Live your life and be present not a product for someone else. The best gift you can give is your undistracted self.
Thanks stepfanie for writing this piece.
Thanks so much for reading, Zack. Glad it resonated.
As someone who has worked for brands and businesses in social for 20 years, I applaud you. I've never had the desire to grow my own channels or "influence" because I've watched it creep over the joy in so many people's lives. When brands expect you to have your own social presence in order to strategize their socials, I run. It's fun for some, but existing for an audience and not yourself is not worth the money, but also not worth the time it steals from you and your life. Thank you for sharing your real experience.
It’s a wild beast that the average non-influencing person doesn’t even begin to understand. I don’t mean that as a”they’re dumb” — I mean it as: most normal people can’t fathom the level of fakeness that goes into that bc it’s just… not normal. I can’t even be around people who do it anymore bc just being near it makes me feel like I’m participating and gives me the ick. If people enjoy it, I’m happy for them. I just don’t believe anyone actually enjoys it—but I could be wrong 🙈
another perspective on this
it cripples experiences in a relationship. you genuinely can’t enjoy one because you know the outcome to it is a picture and it’s sad
I’ve seen soooooo many miserable boyfriends and husbands in my day. Idk how they do it.
When the Morse telegraph was first introduced, a journalist marveled ""This extraordinary discovery leaves...no Elsewhere...it is all here." Reading this, it struck me that if wired communication eliminated (or at least reduced) the sense of Elsewhere, then wireless communication in the form of ubiquitous cellphones does the same for the sense of Here and Now.
And I was just thinking in terms of the ordinary phone user...the effect for 'influencers' must be 10X or 100X or more.
The iPhone was obviously the beginning of the end... Once we had infinite apps available to us 24/7 with essentially no friction whatsoever to use, we shifted towards WALL-E humans, I think
FaceID and having our $ pre-connected to everything was also a big one. Everything is just so EASY to use—and so hard to put down
I'm actually working on a WALL-E piece now as a followup bc I feel like there are other aspects of this issue that I wasn't able to touch on here
See also Freedom, the Village, and Social Media
https://chicagoboyz.net/archives/71360.html
that black mirror episode was honestly one of the scariest ones because it felt so genuinely real, like this could be our world in just a short time. very interesting read, and i'm glad you were able to walk away and come back to a space of authenticity - that's so hard to do, but so important. thanks for sharing!
I saw the episode way before I was using social media in any serious capacity and I’d long forgotten about it. Rewatched it when it was more relevant to my situation and got mega ick at myself 😆
haha mega ick 😂
I was off Instagram for a full year I deleted my account. I recently signed back in to my burner account and I’m actually shocked at the state of things. The amount of ads in the feed and the amount of branded posts is actually really gross to me.
I didn’t realize how nice it was to not know “the MUSt have fall SWEATER”
YES! So much garbage input. And everything is so visual so it’s not quite like X where you start to read something you might not want to read and you just keep scrolling. I can’t even use it from an alt at this point. I feel like I “should” make a business account… but I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do it yet. I genuinely don’t want to ever be on that app lol
So relatable, I love the “performative aesthetic labor of Instagram“ perfect way to word it. I deleted my account too, and I feel so damn free.
I think this is up there with "taste is the new intelligence" ... You hear it said, "live as if your life was going to be a movie that people watched." There's nothing that will rob us of the present moment than thinking how many likes it will get in the future. This was timely as I just deleted IG and FB off my phone. I'm so close to just deleting my accounts just because of the philosophy behind them and how they are designed to keep you stuck. The fear is "well how would I stay in contact with friends?" or, "how else will I grow on Substack or YouTube if I just let go of the thousands of potential eyes. Maybe if you keep posting, I'll get there lol. Thanks, Stepf.
The shower moment where you realized you'd become everything you claimed to be against is brutal. Because nobody forced you into it. The system just made compliance so profitable that authenticity became the thing you had to sacrifice.
What gets me is that everyone participating knows it's fake, but the collective agreement to pretend it's real keeps the whole machine running. The girl crying in the bathroom then posting about gratitude. Everyone photographing their food instead of eating it. You posting face cream the day your dog died. The algorithm doesn't care about your life. It cares about your life as raw material for content.
After reading this article, I have never been happier to be an introverted software geek with only a small and pseudonymous social media presence.
Seriously, though, that was excellent -- and horrifying. Glad you escaped.
Besides that Black Mirror episode, there was an episode of The Orville ("Majority Rule") with a similar theme.
I didn’t think (genuine) people like you existed anymore ❤️ Thanks stepfanie for sharing your story & for your refreshing take!
I am coming up nearly a year instagram free and haven’t missed it once. For me, the turning point was realising I get absolutely nothing out of it and it adds zero value to my life. I feel much happier and haven’t once had the itch to get back on it.
Sorry about your dog too x
So many valuable points in this article. I used to work in the fashion industry. It was before all the social media, but I had a similar reaction to that space. One day, I just couldn’t take it anymore.
Just as you said, “The performance is exhausting, but the authenticity is free.”
You have so much more to give here anyway. This was well-written and deep, yet entertaining.
I'm always struck by the high number of lead singers of bands who commit suicide or suffer the "unintentional overdose" (yeah, right).
You'd think that these people would be living the dream life.
But, apparently there can be a great hollowness in forcing oneself to make an emotive effort while performing ones beloved song for the 1000th time in front of a crowd.
Performing without feeling will eat away at many people's souls.